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The Practical Dharma

Working with Anger

WORKING WITH ANGER: Some  Meditation Exercises 
 
Anger can arise towards people, objets, or our own suffering (e.g., when we're sick). It arises due to exaggerating the negative qualities of a person, object, or situation or by superimposing negative qualities that aren't there. Anger then wants to harm the source of unhappiness.
 
Patience is the ability to remain undisturbed in the face of harm or suffering. Being patient does not mean being passive. Rather, it gives the clarity of mind necessary to act or not to act.
 
MIND IS THE SOURCE OF HAPPINESS AND PAIN 
 
Remember a disturbing situation in your life.
 
                        Pause
 
Recall what you were thinking and feeling at that moment. Examine how your attitude created your perception and experience.
 
                        Pause
 
Examine how your attitude affected what you said and did in the situation.
 
                        Pause
 
Was your attitude realistic? Did it see all sides of the situation, or was it viewing things only through the eyes of "me, I, my, and mine?"
 
                        Pause
 
Think of how else you could have viewed and handled the situation and how that would have changed your experience of it.
 
                        Pause
 
Determine to be aware of how you are interpreting things that happen in your life, and determine to cultivate beneficial and realistic ways of looking at things.
 
Meditate on this for one minute.
 
Now ask yourself: Is anger destructive?
 
By examining your own life experiences, ask yourself each of the following questions and allow yourself to pause and really answer the question before you move on to the next one.
 
Am I happy when I'm angry?
Do I communicate effectively when I'm angry?
How do I act when I'm angry? What is the effect of my actions on others?
Later, when I'm calm, do I feel good about what I said and did when I was angry? Or is there a sense of shame and remorse?
How do I appear in other people's eyes when I'm angry?
Does anger promote mutual respect, harmony, and friendship?
 
                        Pause
 
Meditate on the last question for one minute.
 
Usually we look at a situation from the viewpoint of our own needs and interests and believe that how the situation appears to those interests is how it actually exists. But put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask "What are my (the other persons) needs and interests?" See how the situation appears from their eyes? The perspective is totally different. Ask yourself what middle ground there is between those two points of view.
 
                        Pause
 
Look at how your "old" self appears in the eyes of others. We can sometimes understand why others react to us the way they do and we unwittingly increase the conflict. Remember that the other person is unhappy too. His or her wish to be happy is what motivates him or her to do what ever it is that disturbs us. We know what it's like to be unhappy, so try to develop compassion for this person who is unhappy, but who is exactly like us in wanting happiness and avoiding pain?
 
Meditate on that question for one minute.
 
                        Pause
 
You've probably realized that every person is like us, we all want to be happy and avoid pain. So, how can you change your perception of your environment to help you and others do that?
 
 
            -this meditation was composed by Thubten Chodron, founder of Sravasti Abbey and sent out by Tricycle as a part of their Change Your Mind Day meditation kit for prisoners.